Creatures from all over the galaxy are mourning the loss of a recently departed comrade. The big news making headlines today is that of the unceremonious de-crowning of the planet Pluto. After a lengthy and controversial and highly guarded debate in Prague, leading scientists have decided to strip Pluto of its planet-title. This was no doubt done in an effort to bring the galaxy back to its purist golden age before cosmic performance enhancers beefed up the tiny dwarf planets to such a high status. But despite the public outcry, this “Czech Science Illuminati” did not come to the decision lightly. Universe-wide candlelight vigils are planned for later in the week.
But in the meantime, where does that leave us then? When dealing with any significant loss most people go through what is defined as the Five Steps of Grieving. This hopefully will guide you through the hard times and show you what is to be expected. Just know, you are not alone. We are here for you.
Step ONE: Denial and Isolation
You first read the news of the change in planetary status and you cannot believe what you see. “How can they do this?” you think. “Pluto is one of the most beloved planets. Surely they won’t deny us the pleasure of Pluto’s existence.” But then you feel alienated and alone. The comfort of others does not soothe you like it should and you naiively assert, “This decision cannot last. Is anyone else going to do something?” You just refuse to believe it.
Step TWO: Anger
“How DARE they?!?” You suddenly begin to blame everyone and anything. Its the Czech’s fault. Its the scientists. Its the media for blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Someone should have spoken up. But NOOOO… they were too busy reading of the wars in Iraq and Lebanon to worry. “Now my childhood is ruined and I have to buy new freaking text books, which arent cheap. Looks like I will need a new job to afford that.”
Step THREE: Bargaining
After the anger subsides, logic begins to return to your brain. You start the scheme the eventual return of a favourite planet. After all, dead doesnt always mean dead. “If comic characters can return from the dead, surely we can negotiate with these people. What if we trade Mercury for Pluto? Afterall no one really likes that planet since its so close to the sun and much too hot, like a summer in Washington DC with no air conditioning.” Plus with all the efforts it will take to change the textbooks and the mnemonic devices in school rooms, it cannot be worth all the effort.
Step FOUR: Depression
Even if there WAS a God, he has foresaken you. Nothing you do will bring Pluto back to its past glory and even if its crown was restored, it wouldn’t be the same. Your childhood seems worthless and pointless now and you question everything you have ever learned. You crawl into your bed and sit in your dirty t-shirts and sweatpants with the lights off and shades drawn for days on end and fester in your own disillusionment and ponder the meaningless and fragility of your own existence. The phone reciever sits off the hook in the corner and even if it rang you wouldnt pick it up. “Life is nothing but a huge cosmic joke, but at least my stubble is coming in nicely.”
Step FIVE: Acceptance.
You are now able to move on. Though it literally is the end of a world, its not the end of your homeworld and no sense ruining your life any further. A planet may be gone, but now you are able to focus on other things, such as the changing status of Pluto’s moons. (Are these guys still moons? Or minor moons? Dwarf moons?…the world needs to know!)The waves of existential crisis and anxiety depression have started to heal thanks to the the Planets piece on constant repeat on your stereo. Gustav Holst’s stubborn decision to NOT write a movement for Pluto in that work now holds up. Good thinking Gustav!
Well chaps…hopefully we can stick together during this grieving process.