good old pee wee’s playhouse

So I just happened to catch the new re-runnings of Pee Wee’s Playhouse on Adult Swim, and I have to say that I enjoyed it. Pretty creative entertainment for children… I think it could even hold up to todays ever shortening attention spans. Its amazing the little snippets you can remember from your childhood. I probably haven’t seen nor even thought about that show in what at LEAST 15 years, and yet I still recognize all of the characters, and the zany things that ol’ man Herman does.

lawrence fishburn on the 'house

One of the ladies on the current Law and Order show (S. Epatha Merkerson) was just a young actor at the time, and played the post-ladie who, in this episode, was forced to eat an imaginary breakfast with all the gang. There are so many psychedelic visuals and references in this show; its quite amazing. Inside the fridge there were a bunch of hippie food characters all protesting their own demise (eggs with signs that say “stop poaching”) or some Hendrix-esque guitar playing eggplant or something. Anyway it was crazy, and a definite welcome to my late night entertainments.

hello.shuffle (part one of five)

Welcome to the first part in our hello.shuffle.

Mike’s Songs

1) ‘I Bellieve in Symmetry’ by Bright Eyes (Digital Ash in a Digital Urn)

I read over and over that this guy (Conor Oberst) is the next Bob Dylan of our generation. But then, isn’t EVERYONE dubbed that at somepoint? I want to like him and I have a few of his records, and I generally do like him. But his voice, after awhile seems to grow on my nerves. I normally cannot listen to a full record by him, but this is a pretty good pop song though; he certainly knows what he is doing.

Greg’s Songs

1) ‘Anticipation’ by Blonde Redhead (Misery is a Butterfly)

I really like Blonde Redhead- although this song seems to have slipped by me before. There’s a select few songs I listen to on this album usually (Magic Mountain in my favorite)…usually I cue them up when I feel like listening to Interpol but dont want to listen to Interpol. Whenever I listen to Blonde Redhead, I am reminded of how frustrating it is to discover a band a week after they come to town. sigh.

Aryn’s Songs

1) ‘Fidelity’ by Regina Spektor (Begin to Hope)

I have just recently heard of her, maybe in the last few months or so. But a great voice, and very precise vocal punches in this track. Definitely a great way to kick off an album… and maybe the best track on it.

Stay tuned…part two tomorrow. Feel free to email us at [email protected] or leave comments here if you like. We would like to hear what you think or provide your own playlist.

hello.shuffle (prologue)

If you are an avid reader of the Onion AV Club, then you probably have read the feature called ‘Random Rules.’ If you have no idea what I am talking about then let me explain. Its quite simple: a celebrity is interviewed by hitting random on their iPod (or other mp3 player) and talking about the songs that come up. I like it because it shows not only the good songs someone might have, but also the guilty pleasure songs we are embarrased to have ever bought, but still listen to late at night, alone in our bedrooms, under the covers with shades drawn and the lights off.

We at hellocomein are by no means celebrities (especially because I think we are the only ones reading this blog besides our grandmothers who wonder how the ghost of mice are able to write inside our screens from the afterlife). But I thought it would be fun to imitate the same thing.

A few weeks ago, the three of us hit shuffle on our iPods and wrote about the first 5 songs that came up. Starting tomorrow and for five days straight we will each reveal one song that popped up. If anyone has done similar things let us know. We are curious about your music. So stay tuned…

late night hospitalling.

I think it might be a law or rule or requirement somewhere that whenever you have to go to the emergency room two things happen: a) you wait for a long time b) that long time is usually somewhere between midnight and 4 in the morning. Last night a friend of ours took an awesome tumble on her rented bike (from me) on our way home from playing beach volleyball. We were coming out of an underpass on a trail, it was dark and about a six inch ledge jumped out and pulled her down.. hard. She ended up dislocating her elbow, breaking some things, and plunging headfirst into the world of bionics. I think she is going to be the first of my friends that will have some titanium, or steel, or lead, or stainless steel, or iron contained inside of a body part, which will make her a good contender for the impending robot army.. which side are you on julie?

**note this photo of the girl with the bionic arm is not actual julie but an internet representation of what she might look like if this were actually her.

I showed up at around 1am, only to see the emergency room through the window. Peaple sprawled about everywhere waiting and waiting for the doctors to fix whatever currently ailes them.. Sue and Julie had been there for a few hours before I even showed up, so after a few more hours of waiting to be moved, waiting to be wrapped up in a cast, waiting for said cast to stiffen, waiting for doctor to return for discharge, to driving home on the ever so empty streets I made it back to my bed at 4:15 am. what a day! But all is well, I think she is having this thing below put in later this week. I have always been curious as to how well the newer power gloves work to do normal everyday things AND to play NEW super mario bros… no one will ever know.. well except for maybe julie.

delicious cuts of pork…

porkchop2

Last night, while talking with my cousin, I somehow fixated on the topic of meats. I was saying how I don’t really eat beef, when I can help it, but I love pork. She was saying she did like ham and we agreed we sorta liked bacon, though I dislike it more than most. I then began explaining my love for pork chops and she said she did like pork tenderloin but did NOT eat porkchops.

Wait a second… I thought. Pork tenderloin IS porkchops. Just in different form. You see, the meat that is found in the pork chop is a round cylindrical loin that runs the length of the animal. When at the butcher you will typically see the animal before the cuts are made and notice that there are many a chop with bone that surround this loin.

porkchop1

When you buy a pork chop in a store, you are getting a small cross section of that loin plus the bone its a attached to. Other times you can get a thicker center cut of the chop often without this bone called a medallion. And then there is the glorious pork
tenderloin. This is the same exact loin section of the animal but but uncut and without the bones that encase it. I found this helpful page to further explain. I dont know why this is fascinating, but to me I guess I’d like to know what I am eating.

And to see a helpful diagram of what I am talking about look below.
diagram 1

This somehow reminds me of a great quote from the Simpsons:

Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

things Mike likes pt1…

In the constant barrage of things I like, I thought I’d clue you chaps into this.

Its an interesting behind the scenes look of this artist Tony Harris, who pencils the graphic novel Ex Machina. The series is scribed by my current favourie high concept comic writer, Brian K Vaughan. (he also writes the amazing Y: The Last Man as well..)

Ex Machina vol. 1

Anyway, Ex Machina is currently my favourite book in the genre of comics. Its very little of the cliche superheroics and much more a political thriller. Think West Wing meets Iron Man. This guy has an accident and gains the super ability to talk to machines. He tries to fight the good fight, but realizes he is unnecessarily risking his life to simply maintain the status quo. So he runs for mayor of NYC. And due to a great plot twist, wins. This is the first collected book. I think there are 2 others so far.

The plot reveals both everyday political governing, conspiracies and mystery of his origins. Plus the visuals are incredibly realistic but still w\in the genre of art deco comic book. Harris’ new technique of ink washing provides shadowy grey tones on his penciling. It looks pretty great.

I know you guys arent huge comic bookers, and really, I am not much either in the geeky obsessive Comic Book Guy sense, but every once in awhile a few books catch my eye… Sin City, Y: the Last Man, or Watchmen. Check it out.

–Mike

hello.column #10 — Season One Finale: Reader Questions

hello.column

In the month absence since we last waxed philosophic from on high, we took a short hiatus to creatively retool hello.column and hellocomein.com and prep for an EXCITINGLY droll season two. In the meantime we briefly return from endless vacationing to answer YOUR questions. Thats right, you faithful readers and rabid fans can FINALLY get your chance to delve into the seedy underbelly of hello.column. Ask us anything. If all goes well, we will still be standing to do this on a regular basis. READ ON…!

Does getting electrocuted destroy your sex life?
– Bryan Oura, Boston, Massachussetts

Greg: Bryan, far from it! Consider for a moment this simple equation developed by Dr. Frank Hipsop at Harvard in 1954:

q = pi*b*integral(2V dV)

Where q is quality of sex, b is the volume of moaning in dB, and V is the voltage of electricity that enters your bloodstream. So you see, the more voltage, the better the sex. But wait!! Consider also that Electricity follows the path of least resistance. So if you are being electrocuted and you touch your partner, then she/he is being electrocuted as well. And sex often (but not always) involves some form of human contact. Quite simply, we can thus double our equation:

q = 2*pi*b*integral(2V dV)

The quality of sex is doubled from what Hipsop predicted. What does all this mean? Well, I’ll leave that to the imagination…Enjoy!

Greetings…When is too much?
– Jordan Johnson, Wellington, Vermont

Aryn: Hey Jordan thanks for writing. I think you are going about this completely wrong. You shouldn’t be asking questions like that in this modern day and age. We have long past the need for “too much” or “too little” or “conservation” or “waste” or “overusing” or “just enough” or “a little more” or “a little less” and what not. It reminds me of this one time that I was at this restaurant and they came by with a HUGE pepper mill and said ” pepper sir? ” and I replied “yes please” and another guy which I didnt see earlier and was standing on the other side of me dumped a whole bucket of un-crushed pepper spheres onto my creme brule.

It was the most embarassing date that I had ever been on, wait…no the second most embarrasing, the first would have to be the time that I was at this corn factory with the girl that I had just met, and we were having a good time, and then I decided to eat some of the corn that was in the corn factory ( with the girl I had just met ) and then I had chronic nose bleeds for about 16 hrs while this girl (that I had just met at the corn factory) sat in the waiting room at the doctors office ( which fortunatly was close to the corn factory where we had just met (the girl) I ended up losing 75 lbs of extra “blood” weight and have since gone on to be the leader in diet remedies. So to recap.. what the hell are you refereing to in your question again?

Why wont mommy love me?
– Jimmy McPartland, Omaha, Nebraska

Mike: Thanks for writing. You see Jimmy, your Mommy will never love you. You caused her divorce from Daddy. I know people will tell you that Mommy and Daddy’s separation was because of Daddy’s constant wandering eye and inability at true intimacy, but really its because they had to spend to much time driving you to soccer practice. And I heard from Grandma that they were angry at you for wearing your socks too high on your legs like a little nerdboy. In fact, Mommy is no longer capable of love ever again. Way to go there, Jim. See you in therapy in fifteen years!

Can I turn my kid-brother into Bio-Diesel?
– Fred Westcoat, age 12

Greg: Fred. Yes you can!! It’s refreshing to see that the younger generation is so forward thinking and concerned for our nation’s future. Before long, we will all be heating our homes and driving our cars using fuel processed from our kid brothers. Fred, you will one day make your parents proud when you are a PhD energy scientist. Keep up the good work, and keep those creative and innovative ideas coming!

Hello Fellows! I was just wondering, when will the sun go out?
– Frank Peabody, Professor in Astrology, School of Science and Industry, Topeka, Kansas

Aryn: Mr. Peabody, honeslty I would think that you should already know the answer here from your sun 860 graduate level course you teach every fall and spring semesters. But to humour you I will answer away. Here is the skinny. the short answer is yes. The sun will have a scheduled ending soon, when the Zambots of Omicronia return to collect the magic stones from the secret chamber of the pyramids and pick up the “chosen” memeber of the secret society 5TTR (which I am a member), then the sun will turn into a red giant and burn up all the heathenous humans on this earth, while I and my fellow “chosies” lounge poolside on the space cruiser peeno one (the pickup cruiser) on our way to paradise that is Omicronia. See ya sucker, and thanks for the D+ you jerk.

Thanks for taking my question. I was wondering how many times can a man do a pushup? And why can I only do one before I throw up?
– Bud Collins, Columbia, Maryland

Mike: Hey Bud. Typically a normal man doesnt do pushups because this normal man is typically, at least in America, a flabby wad of cookie dough. Those that do pushups can expect to do about 25 pushups a set. Then rinse and repeat for five repetitions. I wouldnt worry about the vomiting after one single pushup. No doubt you are experiencing discomfort due to your long nights of heavy drinking, savage over eating, countless hours of videogaming, and an infinite number of years living with the nagging anticipation of actually kissing a real live woman. Take it slow and keep up the good work.

We now go to the Rapid-Fire question and answer segment:

Why wont mommy let me play with the toaster in the tub?
– Samantha Piper, Lubbock, Texas

Greg: Samantha- Have you ever had soggy, soapy toast?

So um…Where do boners come from and how do they work?
– Franklin Paul, Boise, Idaho

Mike: Arent boners from fragments of insect bone in the blood stream that swim through the penii until they mate, sticking to the inner walls of the veins. As they lay their calcium eggs it makes the organ into solid bone until you eject the cementy bone mixture out?

What makes a perfect pancake?
– Julia Children, Sommerville, Massachusetts

Aryn: Not you obviously.

Why are the oceans so big?
– Phill Dankle, San Francisco, California

Greg: Because God is an amazing god.

Where do babies come from and how do they work?
– Sandra Pope, New York, New York

Mike: Babies hail from outer space and are powered by nanotechnology…sentient alien nanotechnology. So be careful.

So what do you think? Email us your questions and comments: [email protected]

Coming up NEXT SEASON: Season Two to bring more thrills, chills, laughter and tears…stay tuned for more.

hello.column #9 — Redeveloping the Urban

hello.column

This week we talk urban redevelopment. In the last ten years, a glut of new sports stadiums and ballparks and arenas have been built around the country. Some have been financed by the city, some by taxpayers and the rare few by the actual owners of the sports teams. But does this investment actually lead to urban redevelopment or just another string Starbucks and Chipotles? And is that such a bad thing? Read on…

Greg: How do you feel about the new wave of downtown ballpark construction around the country as a tool for urban renewal?

Mike: I like it. I think its a good way to stimulate OTHER business to build there. I’m glad the Royals and Chiefs chose to stay where they were and we will upgrade the current stadiums. They will be pretty great I think. Though I’m glad that the rolling roof proposal didn’t pass…I thought it was lame and unnecessary and really ugly design.

Greg: Yeah I agree I think. I got into a big argument/discussion with my cousin last night about downtown ballparks and was just curious what you thought. In terms of if it’s an appropriate/effective way to redevelop a city?

Mike: I know lots of people in KC who would love a downtown ballpark. But I’m not sure its feasible considering the layout of KC and the lack of public transport. In other cities I think its a decent way to start growth (not the end all) and sometimes it simply serves as a catalyst. The Verizon Center here in Chinatown of DC really helped this area not be ghetto areas anymore. Within the last seven months even, I have seen all sorts of things go up here.

But for KC to expect that to happen here w\o developing a light rail or surrounding areas to create city density in downtown it might be foolish. Thing is, KC has all the suburbs that sprawl out forever, and then these little pockets here and there — 18th & Vine, Plaza, Crown Centre, Westport, Downtown, City Market, the stadiums etc…but there is nothing to tie them together. I think the Sprint Arena is supposed to spawn some activity downtown along w\ an entertainment district but we’ll see.

Greg: The Verizon Center… what is it? What does it look like?

Mike: Its the arena where NBA & NHL and concerts happen… Its like a huge box.

Greg: I have a more specific question I’m slowly working towards. Here’s kind of what I’m getting at and trying to figure out:

1. Do large scale redevelopment plans (i.e. downtown ballpark stadiums) create a genuine community (genuine is puposfully vague)?

2. How do large scale redevelopments compare to urban areas that develop more naturally, such as artists buying up depressed areas and slowly making them trendy?

3. Worst case scenario, the baseball stadium brings in a crowd to downtown on game nights and spinoff restaurants/bars/retail are busy those nights…. is that successful? I’m really not sure.

Mike: A couple things: I think you need a mixture of large scale and organic development methods. Its a macro and micro level idea of defining the city. The large scale things such as commercial entertainment districts such as theatres, movie theatres, shopping, chain restaurants and stadiums\arenas etc have the appeal to the normal person both in the city and people outside.

The normal person is looking for that kind of entertainment, and honestly sometimes I want that too, especially in sports going as I am a fan of mainstream sports. The stadium being built potentially is a draw to the area, and if there is adequate parking and public transport so people can easily get there and back, then it is something that will draw lots of people and then potential business to the area.

Many businesses see this as a macro level way to serve as a catalyst for growth and development. It also helps when the team is popular (and good)…a new park has shown even to help draw more fans to games which in turn makes the team better because more money is coming in.

Greg: Does that last long term?

Mike: As far as natural organic growth (i.e. people buying low rent and making it the new trendy residential area) I think that can only happen if the basics are taken care of elsewhere. I think once people have the basics they seek out the more fringe (and often better) places to eat and shop and drink… This brings as much worth to a city as the arena but they go hand in hand.

A residential city area needs things to do to make demand for people to want to live there. Bt for businesses to want to set up shop there, they need the reassurance that people are there creating a demand for the restaurants\bars\shops etc.

I’m not sure how sustainable any of this is…its all very fickle based on what the lifespan is and how high the rent is for the developments and the turnover rates of the businesses surrounding the residential and commercial and entertainment districts.

So in theory, a place can be there forever as long as people make it part of the city and the rent doesn’t rise too high, but the trendy stuff might fizzle out when its not the trend anymore…most restaurants not part of a chain turnover about every 2years…if you make it past that then you are golden, from what I’ve read. What do you think?

Greg: I’m not sure, all around… in a lot of ways I think the fantasy of going downtown and watching a baseball game and the stadium itself risks being Disney-fied and kind of fake.

Mike: It is at times, but once inside the stadium, the game and the atmosphere is what matters the surrounding landscapes of Gaps and Starbucks and Chipotles that are safe developments around there are needed for the common person, but it leaves something to be desired for others plus that stuff generates money to help develop housing, keep the stadium rent etc.

Greg: And I have that fantasy too, I mean i think it would be great to go downtown, have a beer and watch the game. But what will this be like in 15 years when the paint is chipping? A lot of the design of these urban renewal stadiums is retro, in the vein of the old stadiums. But it’s kind of a fake charm. It’s almost like living in a sentimentality like Leave it to Beaver or something.

But the thing is with my complaints is that I’m not sure what I’m complaining about is really a bad thing at all…see that’s the thing… I know you are right. The national chains are safe…they’ll stay.

Mike: For sports architecture that retro thing is more than just fake…baseball in particular is alway respectful of the past, the game itself and its relationship with your family memories of baseball— going to games with Dad. Its classy somehow with the brick and steel. As contemporary architecture, sports stadiums do leave something to be desired though.

Greg: Well… but it was classy. The old stadiums are classy…classy in their tradition and history.

Mike: But generally I can choose not to eat at those chain places if I want…and usually I don’t at all. But its good to have that stuff because it, in a way, helps the area. For example, my first place in DC was a ‘developing area’ but totally in the ghetto and 5yrs removed from probably being totally safe neighborhood. People were buying the cheap property and redeveloping, but there was no infrastructure there (no businesses at all) to make you feel safe. My new place has a nearby Whole Foods market and honestly having something like that, as much as I hate to admit, helps the neighborhood develop the metro stops help and so on.

Greg: Sure that’s true. It gives you an indication of the safety, quality of a neighborhood well if there’s a Whole Foods here it must be relatively safe…and really, like Starbucks, although it is a national chain, basically created a market that has allowed local coffee shops to thrive they created the coffee culture.

Mike: I mean, to some, that ‘homogenizes’ the area. But for others, its a great thing. We all want that ‘authentic’ feeling but I’m not so sure that always exists, sadly.

Greg: Well, in my mind there is a huge difference between a giant Home Depot at 119th and I35 than a Whole Foods in the city…not sure why.

Mike: Sometimes I think that ‘gentrification’ isn’t always a bad thing. Its just a key word that people throw around. Having a Starbucks would be the greatest sign of development and stability in some areas… So I get the idea that these large corporations often do take the flavour out of a place in a way to Disney-ize, but I think these days we need a mixture of both this and small businesses. As long as there is a corporate responsibility to not drive out the existing residents and local businesses with soaring rents.

Greg: I definitely agree… it’s good to see both types of businesses succeed side by side.

Mike: As much as I hate Starbucks on some level (their coffee kinda sucks and they will never recreate the community feel of a local store), you have to respect their business practice on another of having a solid product (and sometimes, a lifestyle) that people want. Granted its oft at the expense of these real and comfortable coffee shop community, (I sorely miss Radinas and Westport Coffee House) but they give most people what they want. And somehow starbucks do it without the Walmart and McDonald’s method of bad customer and employee relations.

Greg: Exactly…Chipotle, too doesn’t have that problem.

Mike: AND they are half-owned by McD’s

Greg: I know! Funny.

Mike: We are living in a material world, and we are that material girl.

Greg: Basically, the chains lend safety, reliability, the local places quality, uniqueness, diversity.

Mike: This is probably the most rational things I have seen about this issue. Its totally symbiotic.

Greg: Yeah. In the end, chains are an easy target but they have a lot of good things about them too… This story I think is relevant to the conversation. I personally am waiting in anticipation for the Chipotle to be done outside my office (close to my office) because let’s face it, they make damn good burritos. That I am craving now.

Mike: I was thinking that too actually of going there for lunch…strange…we are quite alike sometimes. Scary.

Greg: I know…funny.

Mike: I guess the marketing has worked on us.

Aryn: Hey guys, just saw this post and wanted to chime in with a few thoughts. First off, Chipotle is no longer owned by McDonald’s, the owner bought his share back. They were only a part of McDonald’s to help with distributions.

But as for my opinion: I think its a good way to rehash interest in a city. I think we are seeing a natural gravitation towards urban living, with all of the suburban kids growing older (like us) and wanting to live somewhere that is not so sterile. This of course may change when we get to the kid making part of our lives, but for now we want to be (at least I do) somewhere that I can walk, use public transportation and have different options than the cookie cutter box stores.

But neighborhoods have a natural sea change, they start out with the poor, the artists can afford , then the richer kids want to move in cause they are trendy, then the richer yuppies move in cause they think they are trendy, then its gets to be too expensive for people. Things settle and either find a balance or decline waiting for the process to happen 50 years down the line. It is quite apparent here.

In Chicago, you have Wicker Park (super trendy) which is way too expensive for the poor artists so they are moving to places like old town (where Sue works) and Pilsen (where the largest Hispanic population in the us lives) and systematically making the places nicer (= more expensive) and driving the “poories” out. But thats natural, I am not sure that there is another way to do it. But I think that stadiums can give that process a kick in the ass, if there is a location that is beyond crappy, it will create that security for business to invest in the area and brighten it up.

So what do you think? Email us at

Coming up NEXT WEEK: The last and final hello.column of season one.