How To Win a Grammy in Five Easy Steps

In light of last night’s entirely bland, though harmless Grammy telecast, I think now is as good a time as any to post this helpful guide. I call this “The Santana Model” (although also applies to MANY other formerly great artists):

1) Become exciting young musician or band well ahead of your time and release a promising debut record everyone loves.

2) Beat the hype: The next string of 2-3 albums should be better than the first; Critics and fans alike will deem classic, but your artistic success is largely ignored by mainstream.

3) Release a succession of albums to diminishing returns that lower the bar each time out. This music will always be compared to your early work.

4) Bottom out with an ill-conceived stinker intended to grab the mainstream’s attention; have everyone write you off as a has-been, sell out or out of touch.

5) After a few years of exile, make a safe and mostly enjoyable album that hardly captures the spirit of original artistic peak, but sturdy enough to not be terrible. These usually include duets or collaborations with newer artists or a top line producer to ensure relevancy to younger generation. People will consider this a genuine comeback and award your return with the Grammy award you deserved the first time around when the voters snubbed you.